I had the privilege of working with the talented Joi Marshall—a skilled singer, former member of the ‘90s girl group, “Jade,” loving mom, and lifelong teacher—to assist in creating her self-help course and biography. Throughout the series of interviews I conducted with her, I felt a strong sense of gratitude as I had the pleasure of getting to listen to her open up about some of the most important experiences she’s had and lessons she’s learned during her lifetime.
During each interview, I was struck by her warmth, kindness, down-to-earth attitude, striking sense of humor, and the unwavering strength and courage she clearly had to have in order to come out on the other side of her many hardships with her head still on her shoulders and a beautiful smile still planted on her face. Her desire to use the difficult lessons she’s had to learn to help others live easier, hustle-free lives and make a meaningful, lasting impact on the world inspired me beyond words—which is why I was so grateful when she (very kindly, eagerly, and supportively) gave me permission to write this article.
(Her exact words were: “This is going to be fun!” and after expressing her excitement for my upcoming article and her upcoming course and book, she lightly scolded me when I mentioned that by the time I published this article, I probably wouldn’t have an audience. “Yet. Be careful what story you’re telling yourself! It’s not that you don’t have an audience. You just don’t have an audience yet!”)
I had been about nine months deep into my (serious) manifestation and personal development journey when I came across the opportunity to work with Joi. It was right around the time when I was having daily breakdowns and questioning whether or not I would ever see success in my career or be able to create the life I wanted for myself in general. It was during yet another period of uncertainty and feeling like a useless failure that I happened upon Joi’s project, and I’m sure I manifested it because I’d been manifesting work that fulfilled me, taught me valuable lessons, and allowed me to experience growth in both my personal and professional life—And that’s exactly what I got when working on Joi’s project.
Everything we talked about was so relevant to me and what I was going through at the time that I couldn’t believe it. What I learned from Joi expanded my knowledge and belief in manifestation and gave me the foundation I desperately needed to begin changing my life with my words and thoughts. Despite previously trying to do so by myself, I wasn’t getting anywhere without the much-needed guidance that Joi provided me—which I never expected to get from one of my clients, of all people, and which I doubt she even realizes she managed to give me.
Needless to say, I’m very thankful to Joi for everything she’s taught me, and I’m grateful to be able to share a few of those lessons with whoever’s reading this. While you can (and should!) get an in-depth understanding of the lessons Joi has taught and how to transform your life with actionable steps from Joi’s book, “Be That Now: Overcome Fear, Unlock Flow, and Achieve Stress-Free Success,” here is just a brief look into 5 eye-opening lessons Joi Marshall taught me personally!
5 Eye-Opening Lessons Joi Marshall Of Jade Taught Me
5. Be Careful What You Play, and Be Cautious of What Becomes Your “normal”
“Be careful what you play with because games can get real. Playing small is a dangerous game. A very dangerous game.”
Joi explained that she spent several years “playing small” to avoid upsetting other people. She would downplay her talent and dim her light around an insecure bandmate to keep the peace, and keep herself quiet when people caused her pain, but the constant self-minimizing eventually took a toll.
“Because I played small, I became small,” she told me after explaining the series of life-altering events that took place—all because she had become accustomed to confining herself into a digestible box for the benefit of others.
Pretending to be less than you are can solidify you being less than in your reality, and the same goes for what you choose to normalize. Once you accept a lower standard as your new normal, it “becomes part of your identity, and you can only have what you are. You can’t have what you want…If you’re not enough for it in your mind, it won’t come to you. You can only have what you are.”
In “Be That Now,” Joi tells the perspective-shifting story of a homeless man whose words changed the way she moved through life completely. This was a man who had lost everything, and whose warning to be careful with what you allow to become normal for you stuck with her throughout the years.
In listening to her tell various stories about the cause and effect of playing small and normalizing certain circumstances, a lesson that I had already somewhat learned on my own was solidified once and for all.
My perception of myself, the way I carry myself, and the things I choose to tolerate repeatedly will dictate the way my life turns out.
I came to the understanding that if I continued to see myself as someone who only deserved scraps, I would keep getting scraps. If I continued to see myself as an imposter who wasn’t as talented as other people, or as someone who “always had it hard” and had to struggle to get by, my life would continue to reflect that.
That’s why I am much more intentional with my words and thoughts now. Since hearing about Joi’s experiences, I’ve stopped playing the role of a girl who feels like a not-so-talented imposter who has no clue what she’s doing, isn’t as good as other writers, and isn’t meant for anything better than working for other people and living paycheck to paycheck for the rest of her life.
Instead, I’ve made it a habit to only think of and speak about myself in a way that reflects the version of me that I desire to be. I don’t always (or usually) feel like a super talented, highly in-demand, wealthy writer slash businesswoman with her own successful brand and seven-figure business that genuinely helps people achieve their goals and receive their desires. But I do always speak about myself as if I am that person and try my very best to play that role every day.
4. “I Am” is the Only
“I am that I am, and that’s enough,” was one important lesson that Joi taught me. Here was a woman who had been part of a platinum-selling R&B group, reminding herself that her titles—singer, entertainer, teacher—were just expressions of her gifts, not the source of her value. And that was something I needed to hear. It taught me that being is enough; I don’t have to constantly prove my worth by doing more or by clinging to labels.
It’s easy to get caught up in the habit of only seeing yourself as worthy if you check off certain boxes. “I’m only successful if I make a certain amount of money or have a certain job title, I’m only smart if I get a certain certificate or degree, I’m only important if this specific person thinks so…” Most of us rely on our talents and titles or other people and outside circumstances to give us a sense of self-worth, but it’s important to realize that we are all worthy and more than enough inherently, just because we exist.
It’s also essential that we realize that we get to be whatever we say we are. Again, the way we think and speak about ourselves is key. Sometimes we think of ourselves as unsuccessful failures just because we don’t have a certain thing, didn’t achieve a certain goal, or were made to feel that way by a certain person. In reality, we’re only unsuccessful failures if/because we call ourselves that.
You are what you say you are. That’s why you need to be careful about which words you’re putting behind “I am.”
Whether you say “I am a failure,” “I am successful,” “I am wealthy,” “I am poor,” “I am a loser,” or “I am a winner,” you will be proven right. Your words are always affirmations, and they determine what you see and experience in your reality.
Joi explained that she struggled with feeling “not enough” and had to essentially rewire her mindset. She had no idea how to do this and wouldn’t have known to do it without God, who spoke to her and told her to use positive, declarative affirmations to rewrite her story. For 30 days, she repeated “I am, I have, I do” affirmations a few times per day, and within those 30 days, her life completely shifted. She saw a major difference in her experiences while recording and performing, but most importantly, there was a huge difference in the way she viewed herself. “I am” affirmations changed Joi’s life—several times.
Hearing this, I realized how carelessly I had been talking to myself. I’d say things like “I am such a mess” or “I am not creative enough,” unknowingly cementing those ideas. Joi showed me that “I am” is a powerful beginning to any sentence. It can be the foundation of your strength or your limitations, depending on what you choose to say next.
Joi’s belief in the sacred power of “I am” made me start paying closer attention to how I define myself. Now, when I catch myself saying “I am [anything negative],” I stop and reframe it. I choose affirmations that reflect the best version of me, because Joi made it abundantly clear that the only definitions that truly matter are the ones I give myself.
3. Be Careful What You Choose to Believe; You Can Either Have the Courage to Be Faithful or Opt to Be Fearful
“Fear is based on the fact that I don’t believe I’m going to be okay…Faith is knowing that at the end of the day, no matter which road I take…I just have to know that it’s going to happen. It’ll work out.”
This lesson from Joi taught me that belief is a choice, and that choice boils down to faith or fear. Fear, at its core, is the belief that things will go wrong. It’s a lack of trust. Faith, on the other hand, is a confident inner knowing that things will work out, even if you can’t see how.
Fear actually repels what you want, while faith attracts it. Fear says, “I don’t believe it’s going to happen,” so then it can’t happen, and you end up subconsciously sabotaging opportunities. In contrast, faith is aligning your emotions with the belief that good things are coming, which helps draw them in.
Joi’s own life has been a series of big leaps that required trusting the unseen. She left abusive relationships, moved across the country, started a girl group, and pursued her purpose, even when the outcome wasn’t certain. How did she do it? By deliberately choosing faith over fear, again and again.
“Sometimes to get from one point to another point, you really do have to summon the faith, and it takes courage to be faithful,” Joi told me. It wasn’t easy; she was terrified. But as she explained, “courage comes first, even before you fully believe. You decide to trust that things can get better, and that very decision gives you clarity and confidence to act.”
Hearing her say this, I reflected on how many times I’ve let fear make my decisions for me. Joi’s words encouraged me to be braver in choosing what I believe about my own life’s possibilities.
The connection between fear, courage, and faith is beautifully unraveled in “Be That Now,” but for now, just know that Joi isn’t talking about blind optimism when referring to having faith. She’s talking about an earned trust.
She told me that she builds faith by looking at past evidence of God or the universe coming through. Every time she was down to her last dollar, somehow she made it through—so why wouldn’t it happen again? That perspective inspired me to recall my own history. I realized that despite my worries, I have overcome every bad day up to now. So why should tomorrow be any different?
The more I listened, the more I understood that being “faithful” is an active choice. It takes courage to wake up and say, “I will believe in the good outcome, even if I can’t see it yet,” and I found this lesson majorly empowering.
It’s not that I’ll never feel fear again—of course, I will—but now I know to catch myself and remember that I can opt for a different belief. I can remind myself to have the courage to be faithful to my vision of a better life, rather than give in to the fear of failure. And amazingly, when I choose to have faith, I can feel possibilities opening up where there previously seemed to be walls standing in my way.
2. God is Not Who People Make Him Out to Be
My relationship with religion is complicated, and something I haven’t quite figured out yet. I love, respect, believe in, and pray to God, but when I hear other people talking about Him, I tend to cringe, and I don’t enjoy the conversations.
I’m pretty sure this is because, in my experience, the most “Godly” people are also the worst and most evil nine times out of ten. If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it, but I’m just saying that in my experience, the same people who go to church multiple times a week, can quote every scripture in the Bible, and call themselves “God-fearing” individuals are also the ones who are the most judgmental, narcissistic, talk behind your back, steal from charity, advocate for cruelty, and condemn certain sins (like being gay), but easily forgive others (like sexual assault and domestic violence) usually because they’re just as abusive as those whose sins they so easily forgive.
They also make it their business to make you feel as though if you make one “wrong” move, think one “wrong” thought, or say one “wrong” thing, you’ll be damned to Hell for all eternity.
Some (alleged) Christians and believers in God really give religion a bad look.
But that’s why I very much appreciated the way Joi spoke of God. Her beliefs about him and who he is are definitely aligned with mine.
I grew up hearing a lot of opinions about who God is. Some see him as a strict judge, others as a genie granting wishes if you’re “good.” But Joi Marshall turned many of those notions upside down. In her eyes, God is not the rigid figure people often paint him to be.
She challenged the narrative that we have to work slavishly for God’s love or favor. In her characteristically candid way, she said, “God does not need us for nothing. God just loves…When people say, ‘I work for the Lord’…we are not slaves. We are not worker bees. We are expressions of God. God is not a slave. God is not a worker bee. God is a spirit.”
To Joi, God is the intelligent energy of love that animates everything—an ever-expanding flow that we’re each a part of, not some distant taskmaster keeping score. We don’t “impress” God by martyring ourselves or checking religious boxes; we express God by living out our gifts and expanding in love. Instead of seeing myself as a pawn on God’s chessboard, Joi’s insight helped me see myself as a fragment of God’s spirit, meant to grow and shine.
God, as Joi stated, is so much bigger and kinder than people make Him out to be. When I grasped that, the way I relate to God shifted. I stopped picturing God as a stern old man in the sky and started feeling God as the loving force moving through me and everyone else. It made spirituality feel less like fear and obligation, and more like an adventure in love and continuous growth. It also changed my perspective about why certain prayers don’t seem to get answered—at least, immediately.
“God is not like Santa Claus,” she laughed.
Santa Claus, as she explained, gives us gifts to enjoy and then disappears until next Christmas. Many people treat God the same way—as a faraway giver of goodies that we passively receive. But Joi believes that’s a flawed picture. Unlike Santa’s one-way gifts, God’s blessings aren’t about instant gratification; they’re invitations to grow.
“God gives us gifts or blessings that require us to evolve in order to receive them,” she said.
This means if I pray for something big, God might not drop it in my lap wrapped in a bow within the hour. Instead, He’ll nudge me through an idea, an urge, or a challenge that leads me to that blessing. That process might demand me to face a fear, learn a new skill, or “level up” in some way, and it’s not always easy, but it’s purposeful.
This perspective was eye-opening for me: God isn’t a wish-granting vending machine, and delays or effort on my part aren’t refusals. They’re part of the blessing. Joi taught me to see God’s hand in my personal growth. Every obstacle or opportunity to evolve might actually be God preparing me to handle what I asked for.
Overall, Joi’s view of God and opinion about who He is and what He represents is much more relaxed than most people’s. She emphasizes what I believe all people should emphasize when speaking about him: That he is ultimately very loving, understanding, and supportive. Not an entity you need to be terrified of displeasing, like some cruel King on a throne.
1. “No” is Not a Bad Word
Finally, Joi taught me that it’s not a bad thing to say no.
“If I’m doing things just to please other people…I’m doing this because I think that I don’t matter,” Joi admitted. She realized that her lack of self-worth was the root of her inability to say no. And the moment she started believing “I matter. My thoughts, ideas, and opinions matter,” the people-pleasing cycle broke. In her words, “once you believe that you matter, then that shit stops.”
If there’s one lesson I really needed to hear, it’s this one. I have always struggled with saying “no.” I worried about disappointing people or being seen as selfish. Joi used to be the same way until life taught her otherwise. She candidly described how she spent years people-pleasing, saying yes to everyone’s requests, and ignoring her own needs.
Why? Deep down, she felt like she didn’t matter enough for her own thoughts, opinions, preferences, and needs to be as important as anyone else’s. And as we see in “Be That Now,” the constant people-pleasing eventually led to her having a stay in a mental hospital.
Joi made it clear that constantly saying yes when I mean no isn’t kindness or generosity. It’s a signal that I don’t value myself enough. I used to believe that saying no was letting someone down, but Joi helped me see that it can actually empower others to solve their own problems and respect my time.
The first few times I said a firm “no” to something I didn’t have the bandwidth for, I braced myself for backlash that never came. More often than not, people respect it when you respect yourself. And if someone truly loves you, they ultimately benefit from you taking care of yourself and setting healthy boundaries.
Joi’s lesson that “no” isn’t a dirty word has been game-changing for me. It freed me from the false notion that I must always comply to be likable. As Joi explains, saying no when necessary keeps relationships balanced, whereas constant people-pleasing breeds resentment.
Joi’s journey from a people-pleaser to a boundary-setter has inspired me to continue strengthening my own “no” muscle. It truly is not a bad word; it’s a word you can say with love, and a word you should say whenever you need to.
Final Thoughts
Getting to work with Joi was a transformative experience for more reasons than I can list in just one article. I learned an abundance of lessons from her during our time of working together, and I’ve continued to carry them with me throughout my daily life. I’m so honored and thankful for the opportunity to learn from her, and I hope everyone who’s reading this decides to do the same!
Pick up your copy of “Be That Now: Overcome Fear, Unlock Flow, and Achieve Stress-Free Success” here! In it, Joi teaches even more important lessons, describes her relationship with perfectionism, and talks about so many of her incredibly interesting life experiences—from growing up in Chicago during the ‘60s to working with Quincy Jones at Qwest Records during the ‘90s. Plus, getting a record deal, getting dropped from her record deal, and making sense of her life throughout its many drastically different phases.
Thanks so much for reading!
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